And I am now in my thirtieth year… Which is a funny thought too.
People have been generous. Cakes have been eaten. Presents have been sent. Cards have been posted.
The day has been sent in sunny London, with a crawling baby and a lot of wine.
The sun is shining in my head recently too. It’s been a better few days. The need to dissolve, to disappear, to remove myself from the harm I felt I caused, is dissipating for now. I’m still a bit precarious, and it doesn’t take much for the clouds to gather, but for now, the Indian Summer is fine.
I fear that this may be related to a more engaged and engaging baby. She reaches out for the Boy and I by choice when she sees us, and she was delighted today by a train trip, a river, a pigeon and a helium balloon, in turn. I thought I had reached adulthood, in some form, but turns out that appreciation and responses from a 9 month old baby is what is required to make me feel worthy and engaged.
Can’t help but feel a little bit pathetic… But not a little relieved too…